Joe·My·God appeared at BlogJamDC (I didn’t) and recounted, among other things, this tale. You can find the video online if you look hard enough, but really, why wait?
The Name Game
It so happens that we have two Todds in our circle of friends. One’s white, one’s black, so logically they became “White Todd” and “Black Todd.” Luckily, Black Todd is unoffended by his naming and he thinks it’s hilarious to call and leave me voice messages from Black Todd…. A few weeks ago, our friend Steve appeared at beer bust with a guy he’d been dating from New Jersey – another Todd, and also black. The new Black Todd is a personal trainer to high-powered execs who chopper him into Manhattan for their in-office training sessions. And as you might guess, Trainer Black Todd has the sort of body that looks like it comes from the Circuit Party World Headquarters, from the Compared to Me You Look Like a Joke from God division.
And his ass! Fucking hell, his ass got to beer bust five minutes after he did and in another cab! So naturally we feel the new Todd was named Black Ass Todd…. Well, one Sunday after-morning, Black Ass Todd is drinking beer with us and at one point, over the music, he heard my buddy Ray say “Here, hand this beer to Black Ass Todd.” And Black Ass Todd immediately got a little agitated…. So I came to the rescue and I patiently reviewed with Black Ass Todd the chain of events that led to his naming – you know, how we had a White Todd and a Black Todd. And how he could see our problem when we improbably gained another Black Todd….
I said, “Come on, Todd. We’re not saying ‘Black Ass Todd’ the way people say ‘big-ass truck’ or ‘ugly-ass bitch.’ Ass is not an adjective in ‘Black Ass Todd.’ It’s a noun. We call you Black Ass Todd because you got that ass, Todd!”
And he thought for a minute and he said, “Do you think AOL would let me have that as a screen name?”
Listen, I do this shit myself!
Skill-testing question for longtime readers: Just who are the fellows named B-Banned, C-Banned, and T-Banned, and which African nation inspired the naming?
Additionally, put Joe·My·God and Black Ass Todd together and I’d buy the video.