Years after deriding “bloggers” as “fucked in the head,” a superannuated Toronto homosexualist, so cutting edge he could recite Laurie Anderson lyrics by heart and once left a phone message for Duane Michals, discovered to his horror that a know-it-all without a blog is like a tree falling in the forest.

So he got one, which he used to republish all the obvious American gay news from all the obvious American gay sites – and bitch endlessly about Toronto infrastructure. An homosexualist with nothing but colonized cultural references is exactly the critic qualified to complain about patchy asphalt. The contribution to the latter of choosing to live at the seedy downtown streetcorners of Yonge and Bloor (and, earlier, Bay and Gerrard) went curiously unmentioned.

So did a lot of things, like the years of drug abuse, including the potentially fatal combination of Prozac and ecstasy. Quite the bullet to dodge, but he did it. Career-wise? Career-wise he grew from tutoring Hasidim on creating tables in WordPerfect 5.1 to wrangling Ruby and guaranteeing porn sites five-nines uptime. You can teach an old sow new tricks.

He used his born-again blog, and the desiderata <CENTER>ed on his BigMuscle(Bears,Leather) profiles (note the overfit gay physique), to give a gullible world the impression of stalwart loyalty to old lovers – and, crucially, old friends. Some of us know better. In fact, some of us have original handwritten letters showing rather the opposite.

After issuing idle threats for ages, finally he put his money where his mouth was and decamped for the slums of Vancouver, whose “cement” he will find is equally ill-patched. (Wait till he wanders through the poorest block in the country.) The big shock is why he moved to some city in some other province instead of reaching his full potential in New York, where nothing ill has ever happened to him. The obvious answer is he couldn’t make it there. That’s another truth about himself he won’t tell you.

Vancouver needs one more liar the way it needs another crack-addled aboriginal prostitute, sushi bar, see-through, or Gaysian.