Even more bons mots from the discussion forum (q.v.) that, like all parts of the Internet, decays and rusts into an outcropping that gives you tetanus when it carries out surprise anal.
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“One Boy, One Special Boy”:
I was reading an article about Luca Guadagnino in the New Yorker. The article quotes from a book about Klaus Mann: “There is only one face you love. It is always the same.” I started to think about that. As I search over the men I have been attracted to, loved, wanted, I noticed that they all had similar faces – whether known or celebrity.
I have no idea who owned that first face that I loved. But I wonder is that just type or a covert desire for the first face? Is it the face or the person and we cannot divorce the face from the traits that we desire? I love Nick Lachey’s face. But he is just the face – not the original person.
I concede I find Nick Lachey, which name is pronounced Lashé, adorable. I concede further that Armond White is correct about the director whose name is a random assemblage of Scrabble tiles: “By making Elio so precocious yet intense, with none of the usual adolescent banality, Guadagnino reveals he is more than a little in love with the memory of being jailbait.”
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I did have therapy for a long time… and for some reason as a result I was able to talk to and be friends with men, straight men in particular, a lot more than before. There was one time I only really felt comfortable with women and gay men who were totally non-threatening. I don’t even know why this change took place – probably just a general gain in confidence. And the fact that I had a male therapist who I learned to trust, and like, must have helped a lot. I wasn’t seeking to change this particular trait in my therapy. But it happened, and I’m actually even more comfortable with men now than women.
versus
I can just imagine all you pretentious, snobby little effeminate boys when you were young, dissing your hard-working parents because their way of life wasn’t good enough for you because it didn’t align with what you saw on Dynasty.
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Body image: “Upper-middle-class GOOP thinspo asceticism. No, thanks” versus:
In hindsight, I think I had a big problem with food for a long time. I was naturally skinny with a fast metabolism, but I also got off on the idea of looking different and having my appearance surprise people. Thin was very much the thing in the ’90s, and I guess I liked my eyes being larger by default and clothing always fitting me easily.
…and I won’t lie and say that I felt hungry and weak constantly. I actually seemed to run on a lot of energy, but in hindsight it was definitely nervous energy and adrenaline. I would stay up late studying, and ride out waves of hunger just to see if I could do it. And I could. And you can too.
Don’t.
It’s obvious you aren’t really listening to advice right now, but the truth is your body needs fuel and your muscles need exercise and that’s what will see you through a life of health and comfort. You have no idea the problems osteoporosis can cause, and people who are malnourished deal with that at a young age. Even though I’m eating healthy now, three times a day, my bones are starting to make cracking noises and stiffen and I just don’t feel anywhere near as limber as I used to. Also, your body naturally gets colder as you age. Fat and muscle protect you from that.
I realize we live in a society where the æsthetic is to look like a cartoon character with a big head and an impossibly tiny waist and delicate hands, or to look like some super-jacked superhero athlete…. But wanting to look a certain way in a photograph is not your job. Your job is to take care of the one thing that you own, which is your body. So stop playing these games and telling yourself it works great and there will be no consequences. There will be. You can bet on that.
Plus, if what you’re worried about is appearances, having no fat in your face will make you age incredibly fast. I look at guys my age now who I suspect were athletic in their late teens and early twenties, and ate regular full meals, or even the guys who were only moderately active and ate full meals, and their faces still look full. I have a slight hollow look to my face, probably from years of seeing how little I can eat and still be functional. I’m not hideous by any means, but I think I understand now why actresses and even some actors end up getting fillers put in. Having a round face looks a lot nicer than being Skeletor. Plus everyone who hugged me when I was growing up said it made them uncomfortable because I was so bony.
Having a little muscle or a little fat is actually really appreciated by those who have to look at you and touch you. That’s why someone like Gwyneth Paltrow, for example, isn’t thought of as being sexy in the least. She’s bony. Sure, that means she fits into designer clothes and gets on a magazine cover, but she is far from being a sex symbol.
I guess there’s no convincing you, but please take these words to heart and reconsider what you’re doing. Nobody who loves you in any real way will tell you to skip meals and starve yourself for the sake of a look. When there are times of war, and people don’t have access to food, they aren’t walking around feeling great about their collarbone is finally protruding, or having no fat on their [abdomens]. You need to eat. It’s healthy. And there’s a lot of delicious food out there that’s healthy for you and won’t make you obese! Go try some new dishes. Eating is really a joy. It doesn’t mean you’re a pig.
Please speak to someone about changing this interior monologue that you have going about how much better it is to be thin. You’ve been duped by a society that doesn’t really make much sense. And at some point you’re going to start to see the consequences of what you’ve done by denying yourself food several days a week. Treat your body with TLC.
…which by itself has to be the greatest contribution DataLounge has ever seen, with a perfectly modulated tone.