Bonne fête du Canada, Pontiac Acadian!

This is a country that could benefit from a bit more nationalism.

Troublesome Marco Arment, the man who accepts only the best in everything but can’t produce semantic markup at his Tumblr day job, offers unsolicited advice for the lower orders who barely manage to roll out of bed in the morning:

I was asked… how I write essays here that occasionally make sense. If you’ll forgive my auto-back-patting, here’s the answer I gave, and I think it’s worth sharing with you because you can do the same sort of thing for your benefit. […]

Managing my time is trickier. The short answer is that I cherry-pick: Instapaper is a collection of fairly simple things. I don’t do anything for it that requires massive amounts of time, because I simply don’t have enough time to do that. It usually ends up taking 4-8 hours per week, which fits easily into a few evenings or a single weekend day.

This is where Merlin [Mann]’s influence comes in. He’s great at reminding me… that it’s easier to be highly productive when you only have a limited time window in which to do so. It’s easier to perform an amazing, in-the-zone, four-hour block of work on a Friday night if I’m leaving town the next day and I know that it’s is the only chance I’ll get all week to work on Instapaper. […]

[I]t’s useful to picture Merlin looking over my shoulder when I’m slacking off and browsing the Internet instead of working.

Merlin voice in my head: “Is that really a good use of your time? What did you make today?”

Workaholics tread dangerous waters when they dare to give the little people advice on how they spend their time, particularly if the subject is writing. Marco Arment isn’t a writer; as with graphic designers, he’s a software developer who isn’t illiterate, and his own time-management practices offer little for actual writers.

As I wrote him via electronic mail:

The lacuna into which you fell in your post was the one where the desiccated remains of Mann and Gruber sit – an assumption that the only constraint available is time. The question “What did I make today?” merely provides a handily quotable guilt trip to be used against people who have other things happening in their life.

Writers not uncommonly are poor, underworked, and depressive and anxious, all of which actively inhibit the pursuit of writing while magnifying any guilt trips that unimpaired superachievers have helpfully offered. (I am indeed saying that having too little work to actually do inhibits doing other work.)

Additionally, by any reasonable estimation Mann is bipolar and his intermittent bursts of productivity, writing style, and punchiness are explainable as manic periods. Of course I would also say that to his face.

I would strongly encourage you to read The Midnight Disease.

(I should have also included Doctorow in this analysis, since his hypergraphia is so extreme he can write on command and continue doing so until one minute before he has to “shut the PowerBook” and head to his next engagement.)

Marco just told me to fuck off, then did the same thing on Twitter, the hip cyberbullying platform that is even more effective at that task than Arment’s own platform.

Hypergraphic workaholics need to keep their advice to themselves

• Writers, like procrastinators (two overlapping sets), already know perfectly well what they should be doing and why they aren’t.

• Merlin Mann realized that 43 Folders was becoming a buzzword and a bludgeon, so, in a gutsy and admirable move, he shitcanned that project and started something else.

• Any kind of advice from people who have no trouble getting things done will have a bludgeoning effect. It does not prompt people who cannot get things done to actually do so. It just makes them feel worse.

• Writers already have their own Merlin Mann hovering over the shoulder reminding them they’re worthless.

Marco Arment tarnishes Tumblr’s reputation

Marco’s intemperance isn’t giving only him a bad name. It’s affecting the reputation of Tumblr as a company. It was only yesterday that acting like a jerk torpedoed a $5 million acquisition deal. If Tumblr wants to become the next big thing, Marco Arment is going to have to grow up.

I swear to God this giant billboard, which, incidentally, is probably illegal, screamed THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT until less than two weeks ago.

I know this because I kept riding by it on the streetcar – often in the rain, which was why I took the streetcar – and noted two things: ALRIGHT was spelled thus and, to make margins even on both sides, the word was hugely enlarged compared to the rest of the copy. (A psychosis clings to Avant Garde Gothic like a tapeworm that causes “designers” to use exactly this kind of layout, with flush left and right margins that necessitate huge changes in size.)

The variant spelling of all right is in fact the original spelling of the title of this, the latest lesberrific movie by Lisa Cholodenko. (See, inter alia, the press release [PDF] from Sundance concerning its premiere.) An early poster mockup used the variant spelling.

I guess everyone realized that the entire discourse about the film would be dominated by the “incorrect” (actually merely variant) spelling and a Decision Was Made. In this case it involved the reprinting and reinstallation of a gigantic banner.

I considered doing the pure journalistic thing of asking all sorts of reps to confirm or deny this is what happened. But I don’t have to: It is what happened because I saw it. And it’s been killing me! I had umpteen occasions to photograph the Before or ALRIGHT state of this billboard and didn’t, because I was in a moving vehicle at the time and because my usual bike route past that stretch of Queen in fact avoids Queen St. entirely. And because I had no reason to take a picture, being as I am nonclairvoyant.

If only I’d known this would become an object lesson in proofreading, I’d have gathered my own photographic evidence. At this point you’re just going to have to believe me. In some ways, this billboard has become a de facto entry on Unphotographable.

A couple of Saturdays ago (2010.05.29), I again schlepped out to York University to report on Bobsleigh Canada’s talent/recruitment camp. (Photos. Last year.)

Where’s Florian? I asked once I got there. He’s running the Whistler Sliding Centre, organizer Amanda Stepenko told me. Quite the promotion. (Amanda looks and sounds exactly like Tami on Friday Night Lights, though the accent is a tad different.)

I counted six male and three female contestants. I showed up early this time so I wouldn’t miss the sprinting and jumping tests, none of which I could do or ever could have. (Nor can I push anything heavier than a shopping cart.) There was a bit of amusement between events as Amanda told the guys to switch from cleats to “flats.” (Boys don’t really wear flats.)

• Tim Randall (23) plays football, as one might expect. So: Why do you want to push a bobsled? “It’s always been a dream of mine.” Wants to compete in not one but two Olympics. Who’s his hero? Lascelles Brown. Aiming high there.

  But does he want to drive the bobsleigh? “I haven’t actually thought about it.” He’s training more for brakeman.

• Ryan Moreira (23) is about half Tim’s size and, appropriately, actually wants to be a skeletor. (Just like chaotic ginger gold medallist Jon Montgomery!) Found out about it from the Web site and was dimly aware of last year’s camp.

• Stefan Sing (20) was overflowing with enthusiasm. You want motivation? You go to Stefan is what you do. So why do you want to push a bobsled, Stefan? “It looks awesome, man.” Visiting the Vancouver Olympics Web site triggered the idea. Played rugby for five years, also hockey, soccer, and of course lifeguarding.

  OK, but do you want to drive the sled? “I’ll do anything.” He’d even be the waterboy. “I’ve been training for the last three months by myself.”

  The whole weightroom was rooting him on, and Marcus and Carl did a lot of coaching on form and amateur psychology. But Stefan kind of psyched himself out of the competition, I think. Ability is merely one factor; drive and trainability are two others. Plus: What’s the rush? There’s always next year (at the ripe old age of 21) and the year after that. And once you’re in, it’s like wheelchair sports – you can pretty much keep doing it as long as you want.

• Marcus Mitchell (23) could be the most chipper man I’ve met all year. (Hey, what’s that like?) His focus is really rugby, which maps onto bobsleigh well because of the “power and speed”; bobsleigh could “complement my rugby career.” Trained 3½ weeks just for this camp.

  His hero is Jesse Lumsden, who, as a bobsledder and pro football player, is an overachiever. But “I’m only competing with myself.” He was never consistent enough when at university – academics, “partying,” rugby, track. But “as soon as I graduated, I missed it!”

  Drive the sled? “That’s not something I’ve considered.” Wants to play rugby in the 2016 Olympics,” but could be a winter/summer double threat. “I want to be an Olympian, period.”

• Carl Stahlbrand (22), the star of the show, was apparently made to order from the bobsledder catalogue. He seems more than fast enough off the blocks, but the killer was the jump test – leapfrog five times in a row for distance. After his first run, which left the room in momentary stunned silence, he muttered “Maybe not so high.” (He was pushing three feet off the ground and ended up covering 15′6″.) Of course he aced it in the weightroom, doing about 390 pounds in front squats. (He warms up by jumping up and down in place, obviously.) And he’s about as flexible as a wet noodle and is a double major at university.

  Best athlete I’ve ever seen, but most of the athletes I’ve covered have been gay and/or crippled, so maybe this isn’t saying much. And don’t you like Carl’s mohawk?

  OK, Carl. What brought you here? Played rugby for four years, high-school football. “I kind of was just excited to try something new…. I’ve been training for this my whole life.” Saw bobsleigh on the Olympics, but hadn’t considered signing up till he heard about the camp.

  Anyway: Ladies and gentlemen, meet your new push athlete<slash>overlord. (Just a prediction.)

Men’s bobsled teams around the world are faced with the task of picking away at a dwindling supply of Herculean speed freaks. It’s too simplistic to call them alpha males, because some alpha males are fat bastards who double over wheezing at the top of a staircase.

But really, is there any skill less in demand in a post-industrial, computer-based society than shoving a fibre-glass deadweight down an ice path a tenth of a second faster than 60 other guys your size? The whole process is a battle against the odds. Fortunately, men still exist.

Pop linguistics is a field made possible by the Web. Trained linguists can talk about topics that aren’t big enough for an actual paper (previously, there were no venues whatsoever for such discussions). Amateur linguists, including people like me who have a degree in the field they don’t really use, can also talk about language. Anybody can. Linguistics has been popularized for the first time in its history.

Sometimes it bleeds into the popular press. Surely the best pop-linguistics article of the year is by Sarah Barmak in the Toronto Star (2010.06.05), wondering just how exactly one pronounces the name of mixed-race and ‑nationality hockey player Dustin Byfuglien. (Best photo ever, incidentally.)

Byfuglien inherited the name from his mother, who is Norwegian. In his hometown, the tiny northwest Minnesota burg of Roseau, locals say “bye-foog-lie-in.” On TV and among hockey fans, however, it’s “Bufflin.” He’s a large guy – listed at 257 pounds – so sometimes it’s “Big Buff.”

Byfuglien, it seems, has been Favred.

Both players’ names have been simplified – to the point where their original pronunciation has been eclipsed by its newly invented one. Favre should sound something like “Fahvrr” – just ask distant cousins of his – but announcers and fans evidently had trouble with that vr sound, so unfamiliar in English. And there’s that guttural, rolling r, meant to be trilled in the back of the throat. It’s much easier to say the v and r sounds in reverse – a linguistic process known as metathesis, wherein “pretty” becomes purty and “spaghetti” becomes pasghetti. […]

“The pronunciation in Norwegian is something like bee-foog-lee-an… but actually the vowel in the first part (bee) is the Norwegian sound y, which is darker (narrower) than the ee sound.

“However, if Americans pronounce it buf-lin, it’s their party.”

It usually is.

But let’s not place all the blame on Americans. Many a French-Canadian hockey player’s name has been sacrificed on the tongues of their Anglo fans. Many “Claudes” have become mere “Clods.” […]

We English speakers are so much more versatile than we give ourselves credit for…. Brigitte Bardot never became Bridget Bardott, did she?

Are you hot to design the interior of Toronto’s new streetcars, or LRVs? There was a contest inviting you to do just that.

The gamut of options ran from A to C (you are asked to choose from white, red, or grey), and you cannot rearrange any objects inside the LRVs whatsoever, but those aren’t the biggest problems.

Here is the biggest problem: If you submitted your work, TTC can do whatever it wants with it.

Entrants will receive no monetary payment for their submission. […]

All entries (including the images) become the property of the TTC and its assigns and will not be acknowledged or returned. By submitting an entry, entrant grants to TTC an irrevocable, nonexclusive, royalty-free, worldwide licen[c]e in perpetuity to reproduce, broadcast, communicate, distribute, adapt, modify, create derivative works from, and otherwise use all or any part of the entry and its accompanying images in any media throughout the world, and waive all moral rights in and to the entry and its accompanying images without further compensation to the entrant.

The winner consent [sic] to the use of his/her entry, any images submitted and name by TTC for publicity, advertising or informational purposes in any medium or format without further compensation or notice.

To translate the foregoing:

• You work for nothing.
• TTC (2010 budget $1.4 billion) owns your work, but – oxymoronically – acquires only a “nonexclusive” licence. (You can make a copy of what used to be your own work.)
• TTC can “adapt” or “create derivative works from” your own work, which includes simply handing it to or selling it to anyone they want, like its exclusive streetcar vendor, Bombardier (2010 gross revenues $19.366 billion).

In fact, if you “win” the competition, one of those things is exactly what will happen. The work you did – for nothing – will be handed over to Bombardier, one of TTC’s “assigns,” for manufacturing. This $20 billion consortium will use your free labour to add value to its products and services.

Is that all? No, because the entire exercise amounts to work on spec. TTC remains ignorant of the graphic-design field, despite having been educated on its norms at least once before when it also induced applicants to work with no guarantee of acceptance, let alone payment. On that other occasion, the requirement for spec work was rescinded. This time it just sailed right through.

Spec work is unethical and is unequivocally banned by the Registry of Graphic Designers of Ontario (PDF). RGD doesn’t have enforcement teeth worth talking about here, but Ontario is the only place that actually has a legally recognized registry of graphic designers, so you’d think a public agency would actually pay attention to the ethical standards set out by a body authorized by the provincial legislature.

This would be a naïve hope. When it comes to any aspect of design whatsoever, TTC remains dumb as a mule.