Actual clues in the Across section of the Eye Crossword (“by Cyclops”), Private Eye, 25 June–8 July 2004 edition:

  • 1/5ac. High-risk sport for those with a pressing need: rough, topless BMX Orienteering? (7,7)
  • 9. Find out soldier’s not finished having an erection (3,2)
  • 10. Be inclined to grasp genitalia King put out like a squid (9)
  • 11. Roving hand, one wanting a good greasing? (5,4)

(Wikipedia: “[The crossword] is currently set by Eddie James under the name Cyclops. The crossword is frequently pornographic and, by all measures, usually intensely offensive.”)

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None. I quit.

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