Compared to nondisabled swimmers, video shows that 1½-legged swimmers:

  1. are skinny, pigeon-chested, pasty, scoop-shouldered
  2. are so much hairier they look thistled
  3. have too little uncarpeted surface area on the chest for requisite maple-leaf tattoo (viva Victor Davis!)
  4. fail at being blond, and also undergo male-pattern baldness
  5. do not wear earrings, let alone on both sides
  6. fit into the category of “painfully skinny” rather than achieving the canonical “swimmer’s build”
  7. wear longer swim trunks, as though that stump needs a bit of holding in or it’ll pop right out
Screenshots show blond, fit, hairless Morgan Knabe and brown-haired, thin, hirsute Andrew Haley standing at poolside

We don’t expect the Canadian Paralympic Committee to get too many things right. Trying something as dicey as comparing a disabled and nondisabled athlete within the same commercial was a recipe for disaster. How was poor Andrew Haley supposed to end up looking at least as good as Morgan Knabe?

The foregoing posting appeared on Joe Clark’s personal Weblog on 2004.10.13 17:50. This presentation was designed for printing and omits components that make sense only onscreen. (If you are seeing this on a screen, then the page stylesheet was not loaded or not loaded properly.) The permanent link is:

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None. I quit.

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