The Chilean desire for Antarctica is at least understandable. Antarctica offers Chile a vital natural resource it sorely lacks – width.
– Maciej Cegłowski

Guys with iPhones is the hot new soft-core site that allows gays to demonstrate that the baubles in their murses are more than just fashion accessories. (And that they aren’t too dumb to run an iPhone.) It’s just trashy enough that Gruber won’t link to it – not even to its ultimate subversion, a G-rated picture. It goes without saying that Girls with iPhones is beside the point. There seems to be no editorial oversight, so I maintain a set of links: Curated Guys with iPhones.

I’m quite sure I’ve looked at every picture, and it’s just one nancy boy after another. What makes this man different?

Thick-chested hairless guy in blue briefs

It isn’t the thickness, the hi-’n’-tite (“heinie”) haircut, or the challenging stare. Those are tools he uses to flatten your defences (he will fuck you if he feels like it), but they aren’t it. The thing this guy does is take up space. He had to move the iPhone to the side to keep his face from getting covered up, but look where the elbows are. They’d be in your ribs if you were right beside him. Even on our left side, the arm that isn’t holding anything up.

Now take a cruise through any of the other males on the site. It probably wouldn’t be cruel to call them fairies. So take a cruise through any of the fairies on the site. I’ll let you do that on your own time. See how they fold in on themselves, almost apologizing for taking up space? That’s important.

There are many ways to apply this test. On a not-very-crowded subway train, do two guys sit right down next to each other no problem? Gay. (Same thing at the movies.)

At the airport, do two guys sit with one or more empty seats between them, knees wider spaced than their hips, with their bags on the floor off to the side? Not gay.

Here’s a thought experiment for you. What is the minimum horizontal space half a dozen guys who swim on a gay team need versus the equivalent minimum for a varsity team? (Just while seated on a bench or something.) How about half a dozen gay guys who go to the Y compared to half a dozen college hockey players? If they’re all lined up at the gym waiting to get their ID cards renewed or something, just how much space do they take up? Who takes up more space and just acts like he’s got it coming to him?

As La cage aux folles taught us, it borders on impossible to unlearn the gait and movements of the body. It’s another way we can tell who’s queer – without even having to wait to hear a word containing an S. What makes this man different? He carries himself like one.

The foregoing posting appeared on Joe Clark’s personal Weblog on 2009.08.04 12:55. This presentation was designed for printing and omits components that make sense only onscreen. (If you are seeing this on a screen, then the page stylesheet was not loaded or not loaded properly.) The permanent link is:

(Values you enter are stored and may be published)



None. I quit.

Copyright © 2004–2024