I banged out this whole list entitled “Here’s what Windows users think they know about typography”:
Typography does not exist. How can it exist? I’ve never heard of it.
Even if typography might exist, it can’t be important. Now that I think of it, I know typography isn’t important. I knew that all along.
Even if it might be important, I already know everything anyone needs to know about it.
If somebody else shows up claiming to be an expert on typography, well, I am just as much of an expert. I use Microsoft Word and I can make jokes about Comic Sans.
I have a right to be angry at anyone who questions my skills in typography or how much I know about it. (How dare you.)
Apart from Comic Sans, which I can make jokes about, no font can ever be better than any other font.
No layout can ever be better than any other layout.
Typography is just “aesthetics.”
Microsoft Word documents do not have “typography” and don’t need it.
Waaay too long. As I wrote before: “I do not know how to explain to Windoids, NPCs, basic bitches, and other nonentities who have so little going for them that I can sum them up in catchphrases that beauty has value.”
So I boiled everything down to this:
Typography doesn’t exist,
it isn’t important,
and I’m really good at it anyway
Use that as a cudgel. I do.