– Mark E. Smith

You are wrong about Brüno. Is it not cultural terrorism at its finest? I think so, and so did everybody else in the theatre at Scarborough Town Centre (well more than 90% Chinese, Black, or Indic). A mere four people walked out during the talking-cock scene.

But: I saw it with audio description and you didn’t. How do you describe Brüno?

  • He shows his pubic hair!

  • He’s wearing a pink bodysuit with a plush penis and testicles.

  • It pumps a dildo in and out of Brüno’s backside.

  • Its clear nozzle sucks in Brüno’s jiggling testicles.

  • Dozens of colourful garments stick to the suit.

  • At Sweet Cheeks Anal Bleaching, Brüno speaks with a female stylist.

  • A nude man is covered in sushi!

  • Brüno tilts his head, checking out Lutz’s backside. [Surely Lutz is a poor man’s Stellan Starsgård?]

  • Brüno dances in tiny red briefs. Lloyd averts his eyes.

  • Onscreen, Brüno wears a skin-tight leopard-skin shirt and matching briefs.

  • A straight line of pubic hair runs from his navel to his penis. [There’s a suspected use of the word “dick” in the next sentence, but people were howling so loudly and the scratchy, piece-of-shit headset audio was so quiet I missed it. So let’s just start a rumour!]

  • He lets his pants fall, revealing purple spandex briefs.

  • Brüno pretends to hold Milli’s penis […] then mimes fondling Milli’s penis.

  • He simulates oral sex, bobbing up and down vigorously.

  • Brüno nods his head up and down as he wiggles Milli’s invisible member.

  • On a streetcorner, he wears a fashionably modified Orthodox outfit.

  • He claps and waves his hands effeminately. The predominantly African-American audience watches him.

  • Brüno sits down with his adopted baby, who wears a mini-shirt labelled GAYBY.

  • In another Jacuzzi, one man is naked and upside down with his crotch in another man’s face.

  • He wears a toilet-brush mouth gag. They’re tied up in leather bondage gear.

  • Gerbils scamper in a drawer.

  • A TV remote protrudes from Brüno’s butt.

  • Now at a God Hates Fags anti-gay group rally. [We read onscreen titles.]

  • Now in Alabama, Brüno faces Pastor Jody Trautwein, gay converter.

  • Brüno flails a huge black dildo.

  • Brüno wears a strap-on dildo. Danny boots it. Now Brüno attacks with all three dildos.

  • Brüno minces effeminately as others jog past.

  • Brüno gives a Nazi salute.

  • Brüno offers his limp hand to three hunters, and one shakes it.

  • “Get in your fucking tent and leave me alone!” [We read subtitles, even same-language subtitles – quite redundantly in a few cases here.] “Get the fuck out of here!”

  • Now Brüno again sits reverse-cowgirl on his lap, smiling dreamily.

  • He shifts uncomfortably as two men and a woman give another woman oral sex. A box covers her.

  • Now the balding man humps a woman from behind. Jack smiles uncomfortably. A black box covers his genitals.

  • He stares at her melon-sized breasts. [Kid behind me: “It’s a guy! He’s a guy!”]

  • Ge strips them off, revealing smaller briefs.

  • Brüno lifts it [the veil] over his head, revealing his masculine features.

Who is our narratrix? A quite-often-mortified-sounding Gaille Heidemann, last heard many years ago on Stuck on You.

The foregoing posting appeared on Joe Clark’s personal Weblog on 2009.07.14 21:06. This presentation was designed for printing and omits components that make sense only onscreen. (If you are seeing this on a screen, then the page stylesheet was not loaded or not loaded properly.) The permanent link is:

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