– Mark E. Smith

Almost every mistake that could be made has been made in the conception and production of the “high-class” Berner Men Calendar 2011.

Embarrassed-looking bobsledder in square-cut swimsuit stands under waterfall as male photographer takes his picture
  • They picked bobsledders (gold star right there), then shaved them baby-smooth. Obviously that isn’t smooth enough, so out came the baby oil.

  • They forced one of the few ginger bobsledders, Manuel Machata, to take off his glasses. We’ve been through this already: You don’t need the façade of perfect vision, let alone actual perfect vision, to pilot a sled.

  • They made the second-biggest guy in all of bobsleigh, Alexander Mann, look as reedy as a platform diver.

  • Failing to heed the lesson of Dieux du stade, they cap the whole thing off with some scaredy-cat shower scenes that do nothing for anybody. I doubt the guy even felt cleaner by the end of it.

It goes on and on and on. And in another sign these Germans should have quit while they were ahead, Berner keeps pumping out self-incriminating making-of videos (Day 1, Day 2look up the rest yourself).

Something has to be amiss when any of these athletes looks better seated in a makeup chair wearing a T-shirt.

How exactly did Germans manage to make shirtless German bobsledders seem tacky? How much of an achievement is it that I feel sorry for these guys?

The foregoing posting appeared on Joe Clark’s personal Weblog on 2012.01.02 14:34. This presentation was designed for printing and omits components that make sense only onscreen. (If you are seeing this on a screen, then the page stylesheet was not loaded or not loaded properly.) The permanent link is:

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