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Archive for category: Splorpist

Photos in the genre of Grant Hutchinson’s Splorp.com

   (2006.06.13)
Recessed panel on hood of champagne-coloured car shows a pair of steel chevrons mounted on a black background
   (2006.06.10)

Just don’t park ’er nose to curb.

Close-up shows a Smart Fourtwo’s black fuel-filler cap, red reflector, and black tire amid a paint job of bright red, green, pink, and blue arcs and curls
   (2006.06.09)

My esteemed colleague and I were driving along King (for we drive and, yes, are as shatterers of worlds) and I found myself blurting out loud “Why is there a Citroën SM and why is there a Citroën DS?” In fact, there were seven Citroëns all in one place, including 2CVs and some late-model variety uncomfortably resembling a Lada Samara.

Baby-blue Citroën DS with white roof sits parked at curb between enclosed tree on sidewalk and passing streetcar

My eyes widened and I giggled and clapped my flat-outstretched hands like a schoolgirl. I made us stop the car. I took pictures until I ran out of juice. I talked to the SM owner. (“Whenever you show people a Citroën SM, they think The Longest Yard: ‘Don’t you take my Maserati!’ Except it isn’t a Maserati. It’s a Citroën; the engine is a Maserati.”) I watched various Eurotrash in too-tight and/or ruffled shirts and overlarge shades clutch their twee twine-handled shopping bags as they regarded these alien creatures.

Our philosophical question de la journée: If we know these things hike themselves up to drive away on their hydraulic suspensions, why do they have to hunch back down again once parked? The French showing off or something?

   (2006.06.05)

Yet another instalment in the seemingly endless stream of surprises down at the Beach.

I saw this frogman in orange (for it is he) walk smartly into the lake. Then I noticed the other guy, who soon hollered over to the frogman “While you’re down there, can you look for my glasses?”

Man in street clothes crouches over intake vent on rocky outcropping in lake while another man in orange wetsuit and white helmet walks toward the vent

I thought this was a joke. I was – so help me – on my way over to suggest that he should have said “contact lenses” when the frogman reached in and – so help me – pulled out a pair of eyeglasses and handed them to the other guy.

I love this shit.

And did you notice the intake vent camouflaged as a rocky outcropping?

   (2006.06.04)
Black cherrypicker crane, with basket at end of boom lowered almost to ground level, sits on white plates on beach
   (2006.05.28)
Orange-and-black CN locomotive is coupled to brilliant blue tanker car
   (2006.05.26)

Somebody found an old woodburning kit?

Grey plastic garbage can has burned-in numeral ‘47’ in a crosshatched pattern
   (2006.05.25)
Green lawn alongside paved pathway through parkland is dappled with bright-green tree buds
   (2006.05.24)

Do the obvious thing and park your Smart nose or arse to the curb and what you get is a ticket.

Grey Smart Fourtwo with a yellow parking ticket under its wiper sits with its nose touching the sidewalk curb

The ticket is for failing to park parallel to the curb. Impossible in a Hummer, admittedly. Perhaps the Smart was mistaken for a motorcycle.

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